“Ritual is routine infused with mindfulness. It is habit made holy.”
~Kent Nerburn, from his book Small Graces: The Quiet Gifts of Everyday Life
Some days feel spiritually sharp…not sharpness like clarity, sharpness like swift paper cuts in the heart. Some yet un-named pain finds the places where my skin has worn thinnest so to erupt and ooze out into an unsuspecting and innocent atmosphere. In a life so rich with metaphor, the volcanic and gritty reality of Human Emotion can be felt just as viscerally as ash breathed heavily into the lungs.
And yet, as the seasons turn from brown to green, green to auburn, and finally to white, the unseen colors which paint my life into a fully felt experience must also change, swell, wither, and be reborn into something new. Following along, allowing myself to be pulled, as the waves crest and break… it is a challenge and also a great teacher to me.
There are some rhythms which occur innately and without provocation, and others we intentionally create for ourselves. Think night and day vs. nine to five. I have found through the trial-and-error-speckled days of parenthood, that providing myself with a set framework in which to encapsulate my days gives much needed structure and space to hold all the ups, downs, joys, sorrows, and truly unknowables of life.
For me, this framework typically includes a set wake up time, a set bedtime for my child, roughly set meal times, self-care and home-care rituals built in, and also a dash of forgiveness, since putting pressure on myself to do the day “right” is in direct opposition to my original intention. By creating a “schedule” that best supports and serves us (in every way), our lives have a greater potential for reaching the goals that we want and hope for on the deepest of levels.
For example, here is a list of things I have chronically (yet honestly) said and desired:
-I wish I knew how to play an instrument.
-I want to go there/do that. But I can’t.
-I wish I was fluent in Spanish (or many languages).
-I need to take better care of myself.
-There’s not enough time in the day to get all the things done that need to get done.
-I want to start doing yoga/meditating EVERY DAY again!
-There’s so many amazing books that I want to read!
-Maybe someday.
-I don’t have time.
-Not right now.
The list goes on. I mourn over this list somehow, because in many ways it is the “list of who I could have been” or the “list of what I could have done”, which is to say that this list does not represent me being fully present, but being caught up in what I want for the future and what I haven’t done in the past. We can add “spend more time being mindfully present and accepting of myself in whatever life circumstances I happen to be in” to that ever-changing list. Ha! But it’s hopeful because there is always room for growth, as long as we can endeavor to treat ourselves with as much care and tending as we would a beloved garden.
So in response to a growing restlessness within my often messy, repetitive, and demanding role in the home, I decided to make a commitment to my own health, sanity, and fulfillment by creating a framework for my days. I have felt a balance that I hadn’t felt since before becoming pregnant (so…we’re talking YEARS) and I believe it to be a really worthwhile decision to have made.
Steaming kettle water whistles in the morning. I put away the clean dishes that have dried overnight. I dress myself and my daughter. We begin our day in a clean slate, a cleaned house that was tidied the night before, as I do each night. Without yesterday’s messes to weigh me down, the day can begin with lightness. The day can begin with possibility.
By allowing myself to create a rhythm of routines that harmonize with my unique needs, I have given myself the gift of space for letting more depth and reflection into my busy life as a mother. Like sunlight breaking through the dense forest cover, I can finally touch internal landscapes that have been dark for too long. (I can even find time to write this blog!)
Some days are feather-light and puppet shows. Some days are paper cuts and volcanoes. And on those magma days, I am so grateful that I have given myself the gift of routine, so that there won’t be a pile of dishes causing me anxiety and I can better meet my needs, meet the needs of my toddler, and hopefully be able to find time for the silence and stillness needed to sift through the lava.
Here are a few questions you can ask yourself when considering what recipe of daily rituals will be of greatest benefit to your life:
-What have I always wanted to do, but have never found time to do?
-Am I a morning person? Do I want to be?
-What morning rituals will help me to feel alive, awake, inspired, energized, or calm (or however else you may wish to begin your day)?
-What evening rituals will help me to feel at peace, get better rest, allow relaxation (or however you wish to end your night)?
-What self care routines do I want to start doing more regularly? Exercise? Meal planning? Massage? Hygiene? More downtime? More social time? More silliness?
-How can I make the most efficient use of my free time?
-What are truly the most important aspects of daily life that I do not want to compromise on? What can be secondary?
-What things am I doing right now that I could stop doing or cut back on that are not serving my health, wellbeing, happiness, or long-term goals?
-How can I also restructure my living space to support my new routines and rituals?
Give yourself the gift of routine. Infuse it with mindfulness. Make your habits holy.
Live long and prosper!
Bee Beddingfield 